Who Is It that Discouraged you?

I don't know if it's the time change, too much caffeine or if it's just the change of seasons, but I have had a busy mind these last few nights and just haven't slept well. Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, the Lord will lay someone or something on my heart to pray over and as I pray I will fall into a very peaceful sleep - but last night it was the opposite. Even though I was asleep my mind seemed to be caught in a circle of wanderings and wonderings about my past regrets and present pathways, leaving me feeling discouraged, frustrated and sad.

Suddenly the Lord startled me awake with a stern question - "Who is it that discouraged you, Amy?" My eyes opened and my heart was pounding and I knew it was my Father speaking. I must admit that at first it made me uneasy because of the tone of His voice - it wasn't angry, but it was firm as to address the seriousness of the matter. I just wasn't quite ready to name names because I feared something - whether it was the fear of His wrath on those who wounded His child or whether it was the harsh reality of seeing the pattern of those who discouraged me as providing protection for my own good... 

There are some in my past who I thought were trustworthy people of honor,  who would help me to catch the dream who, instead, crushed it and caused me to lose hope - there are others who never uttered a word of encouragement, which left me wondering if they were choosing to remain silent in order to spare me from their opinions or if they just didn't buy into my dream...either way, it still caused deep wounds that have not healed. I must admit I had to include myself  - and that rattles my cage a little bit. 

This verse came to mind - "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matthew 18:6 

We are responsible for our words and how we handle the dreams of others when they share something so precious with us. Dreams are intimate treasures that I believe are God-given. When we are only able to see things from a selfish or analytical standpoint, it seems logical to share reasons why a dream isn't possible - but God's Word is full of impossible situations - so if He gives the dream, can't He be trusted to see to that those dreams are fulfilled?

The memories and pain that I have carried because of the ones who have crushed my dreams (self-included) have been harder to forget and harder to forgive than any other challenge of my life. I'm certain I beat myself up more often than anyone for choices I've made and opportunities I should have taken. But the ones who have either vocally or silently crushed them have done greater damage than I have realized until today.

Another verse comes to mind - "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

Rest assured that the major enemy is Satan - he is the great dream crusher and discourager - but he's not very creative. He will use our weaknesses against us and they are usually the direct opposite of our spiritual gifts. One of my strongest spiritual gifts is encouragement/exhortation - the enemy knows that one of my weaknesses is discouragement/criticism. Words are my love language - and he uses words against me. He also likes to hold us captive in unforgiveness and bitterness.

Consider your own spiritual gifts and weaknesses - are they opposites? You can usually recognize that you have moved outside the Holy Spirit's guidance when your own behavior acts in direct opposition to your spiritual gifts or the fruits of the spirit. Those with great faith, can be paralyzed with great fear. Those with discernment can harbor harsh criticism and distrust. Administrators can become nit-picky and petty. Prophets can turn to unfair judgment and condemnation and become downright mean....and the list goes on. 

Never forget that the enemy will use your greatest weakness against you every. single. time...without fail. But the Holy Spirit is our Comforter and His Word encourages, admonishes and breathes truth over the lies that the enemy tells.

I've had to let go of the worry that naming names to God and simply obey Him in answering His question. And I'm working toward forgiveness by trusting Him to deal with those who have hurt me as He deals with me - after all I'm one of the guilty. I know that in His infinite mercy, He acts for my good and His glory. My lesson in all of this is to be honest with myself and with Him - not condemn or crush my dreams and to remember that people may hurt or crush my dreams, but it's not really flesh and blood - it's the lies of the enemy, Satan at the root of their harm.

Be encouraged, dear friend - if you are guilty of crushing your own dreams, or if you have been deeply wounded by another who has been unkind - take your hurts honestly to the Father and work through them and seek to forgive them and yourself. I never imagined He would be kind enough to jar me awake with such a question, but I'm glad He did. Facing the giant of my own self-defeating words has been a hard pill to swallow but has allowed me an opportunity to view it honestly, forgive myself and assess just how damaging the need for man's approval can be. The truth is, we are encouraged to seek wise counsel and ask advice from experts - but if we go to man before we seek counsel from the Lord then we've gotten things out of order.

Sometimes our need for a quick answer can cause more damage than good - especially in matters that are near and dear to us like dreams. Trusting God with our dreams requires great trust - and sometimes great patience too...

I'm still wrestling with this dream of mine - now it's become a matter of timing - but I still hope for a day when I will see the answers revealed...in the meantime, my newest assignment is to stop crushing my dreams and instead trust God with them.

Much love! Amy