The Land of If Only...

Do you ever get sucked into the Land of "If only..."? You know, the "if only I had ...." or If only I were.... or If only they.... or If only we.... or If only God.... What a trap those thoughts are! How much life do we waste by living in the Land of "If Only!"

I have lived in that land over and over in my lifetime. From silly decisions like not wearing sleeveless tops to postponing a fun outing with friends because I was dwelling in If Only Land, just waiting on my arms to get more toned or tanned or to lose that last 10 pounds! I've missed opportunities because I couldn't open the gate of If Only Land and walk out of it thinking, if only I had such and such or looked like so and so and the opportunity went sailing by with someone else at the helm.

Why do we do that! Why do we dream of greener grass or better times or allow ourselves to postpone life because of the if only trap? Why do we rob ourselves of peace and joy and fun and adventure in the name of what if's or if only's?? Is it pride, is it fear, is it laziness? Is it a smokescreen to hide insecurity or is it peer pressure? Stepping out of it to gain some perspective, the Land of If Only is really more like a prison cell...it's walls that have bars but a view to the other side. The door seems locked with keys just beyond our reach.

What do I mean by that? Well let's look at the first wall...

1. Fear -- fear is a big wall - fear disguises itself in many forms - it can be obvious fears - failure, change, loss, etc. or it could be fear of success, accountability, and the unknown...Fears can be realistic or unrealistic but they are paralyzing. Fear is a key holder in the land of if only. Fear holds its victims hostage, in a prison of constant unrest. If you imagine a prison cell with 3 walls of bars and a solid block wall with a window - fear would be the block wall...it's extremely difficult to break the wall of fear down in the Land of If Only, but here's a key...

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

2. Pride - like fear, pride is a master of disguise and deception but a difficult wall to break through. Pride can be boastful and self serving but it can also be undermining and self-deprecating. How so? because both focus on self...if we postpone something because we don't want to appear less than adequate, that's pride - the focus is on self and pleasing man. Pride and fear are closely tied to one another. No wonder God hates them. They are paralyzing. Most of us understand the "puffed up" side of pride, but we never pause to learn about the "deflated" side of it. This is what I call the "spirit of < (less than)". When we allow ourselves to feel less than others or beneath a situation, this is false pride not humility. True humility understands its strengths and weaknesses objectively but false pride is a constant put down and in the land of "if only" false pride is alive and well. False pride causes a person to want more but not chase it, and then complain about not having it, which can lead to a spirit of entitlement. In the Land of If Only, pride can lead to permanent residence...but here is a key...

 "Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found
in those who take advice." Proverbs 13:10 (NIV)

3. Insecurity - If fear and pride were parents,  their offspring would be insecurity and entitlement. Insecurity is born out of a lack of trust or a loss of trust. It's rooted in fear and false pride and for a believer, it is sin. Insecurity can become an idol (functional god) in our lives if we let it. Insecure people lack the ability to trust themselves, others and God. A person with a bad case of "if only's" is grossly insecure. Insecure people blame others for their own inadequacies. Paralyzed by the fear of failure or success, an insecure person will remain trapped and ineffective, never stepping into the fullness of what they could be - but instead, dwell in the Land of If Only for a lifetime, wishing and hoping their lives away.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6(NASB)

4. Entitlement - Entitlement is the sister to insecurity. Entitlement is the more vocal side of insecurity. Entitlement is rooted in pride and is a trap laid by the enemy to cause us to feel as though we deserve more than we've been given and rob us of the joy of living in peace with ourselves and our neighbors. In the Land of If Only, entitlement causes us to believe the lie that the world is against us and that we're the victims of unfairness in society. When we subscribe to this belief system, we can lose not only our will to achieve, but the desire to become all that God intended. Placing blame on others or victimizing ourselves subscribes to false pride and an elevated sense of self and causes much confusion, stress, anger and discord both internally and externally. Consider this key...

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?" James 4:1-23 (ESV)

5. Lies - The foundation this prison cell in the Land of If Only is found in the lies we believe. When we believe the lies of the enemy that we are less than, more than, not enough, victims, and entitled to more, we have allowed the foundation of the Land of If Only to take root in our souls. Satan is the author of lies, the founder of fear, the president of pride and the master of insecurity and the CEO of entitlement. His agenda is to steal our joy, kill our spirits and destroy our reputations and for the unbeliever - he has your name on his list to carry you straight to hell to dwell with him for all eternity. Lies can appear to be appealing and satisfying. They tickle our ears with flattery and false hope. They seize our desires by causing them to appear as though they are more than their truth. They choke out hope and destroy confidence. The sad truth about lies is that once they are revealed, the damage has already been done. The Land of If Only is landscaped with lies, but here's an important key... our minds are a playground for the lies of the enemy. Self and our sin nature causes us to believe those lies and it all started with Adam, Eve, the Serpent and a tree...(see Genesis 3)

"You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44 (NIV)

So how do we leave the Land of If Only? First, we have to grab hold of the truth and assess why we are there. This will require a realistic assessment of the lies we believe, and confessing what walls are holding us prisoner - fear, pride, insecurity, or entitlement.  Next will be the battle of the mind - shifting our minds with the truth of the Gospel allows us to gain new perspective, not only on God's will for our lives, but gives us great power over the lies of the enemy - this is vital into leaving the Land of If Only. Once we access the power of the Holy Spirit, we have weapons of Scripture to dispel the lies. Once we have accessed these two major powers, we are on our way. We must put on our spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10-18) and wear it all the time - the enemy has no plan for our escape, but we are victors when we place our trust in Christ. The shoes of the Good News of the Gospel give us the foothold to step through the pathway of lies. The helmet of salvation protects our minds where the great battle rages in our thought processes, the breastplate of righteousness covers our hearts and protects our spirits when we get discouraged and want to recoil in fear. The belt of truth holds the armor in place so we are able to stand firm in our journey and the sword of the Spirit pierces the darkness and cuts through the fog of deception, doubt and fear and the shield of faith gives us protection when the fires rage and the self doubt creeps in and we grow weak from the wounds and weary from the journey...Finally, Jesus holds the keys to the gate. He is the only way to escape the Land of If Only forever. He holds the keys to redemption, healing, hope and we gain access to these keys by believing Him, His Word and placing our trust fully in Him to care for our souls, ourselves and those we love.


Do you want to leave the Land of If Only? Do you even realize you've been living there? Take hold of the truth today and realize that if only's are only lies in disguise. If only's cause us misery, pain and to miss out on the abundant life Jesus came to give us. Abundant living isn't about having the latest, greatest or being perfect or the best or most of anything. It's the peace of knowing and trusting Him, His will and honoring Him by enjoying the life we have before us even in the midst of trials.

So throw on that armor and get moving...and if it's sleeveless, show off those guns - perfectly toned, tan OR NOT!! Have a great weekend!! Amy

What is it about Food?

For the past month I've been trying to eat healthier with the hope of losing some weight that I gained from the sedentary lifestyle of being a seminary student and the cold winter months that make me just want to stay inside and eat carbs. I can honestly say that my flesh is screaming and angry about it too.

I didn't make a New Year's resolution to lose weight or exercise more - just didn't want to start the New Year off with a lie. I didn't join a monthly weight loss subscription program until my husband visited his doctor and was told he could get off some of his meds if he'd lose weight and get off sugar...good advice for me too...but I have failed and failed miserably on this subscription plan and have grown to resent it.



I read an article posted by a friend addressing the issue of food and the outward appearance of being overweight as affecting our testimony as Christians. This article was written to pastors by another pastor who had fought the battle of weight and food addiction and was spoken out of sincere love and concern for pastors to be accountable as leaders of their flocks and to lead by example. He addressed some areas of focus that I thought were good - but he left out one important component that I'm going to address in this blog. I'll put the link to his article at the bottom of this page. 

The one area he didn't address was how food can be an idol. You might be thinking, how on earth could food be an idol?!? Well, let's look at the definition of idolatry - the worship of a physical object as a god 2. immoderate attachment or devotion to something (Source https://www.Merriam-Webster.com/dictionary/idolatry). Now we may not be bowing down and saying prayers to our Big Mac or Sonic tea, but look at the words "immoderate attachment or devotion" -- wow! How often do we say we can't start the day without our coffee (substitute any drink or food here) or we're not functional? How often do we coin phrases to include food? How much time do we spend shopping for, preparing, eating, storing, cleaning up, dining out? How about the money? If we analyzed our spending, how much of it goes toward the purchase of food/drink? We post pictures of our food more than pictures of our loved ones. We post pictures of ourselves dining out or enjoying drinks with friends. We celebrate with food on any occasion -- happy or sad...and the snack industry contributes to the world economy at an alarming rate.

The truth is, we are immersed in a culture where food is a god. There are networks devoted to shows about food 24/7/365. There are restaurants of every kind popping up seemingly everywhere and now smart entrepreneurs are even renovating RVs and campers into food trucks to go to the customer in the name of free enterprise. 

I could bore you to tears with statistics and diagrams, but I think you get the point. Food is a functional god - Food is not bad - but if our focus is more centered on food than it is on glorifying God, then it's likely we have made food a functional god - idol.

This is not something new or earth shattering - but it's a call to accountability because what I see in the diet industry is the same focus on food as a functional god. If you eat this, you'll lose weight. If you keep up with "this many points" per day you will have freedom from food...again, the focus is on what goes in your mouth much more than the words that come out of it or the spiritual food of Scripture.

We have fallen victim to the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil in our idolatry of food. It was food that the serpent used to tempt Eve to sin. It was food that Eve used to tempt Adam too...and it's been food since that time. Jesus was tempted by the enemy in the area of food too - Jesus was tempted by the enemy in the area of food too but he was victorious over it and remained sinless even in great hunger after a 40 day fast in the wilderness - "The tempter came to Him and said, “If You are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” But Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Matthew 3:3-4

So the $1,000,000 question is this - how do we lay down an idol that sustains us and keeps us alive? How do shift our focus away from it and toward a Holy God? I think it starts with a heart of true repentance. I think it's also a matter of confession too - laying it at the cross and surrendering it daily, hourly, minute by minute if necessary.

I am absolutely an idolater when it comes to food - call me a foodie, call me an addict, call me whatever you want - my outward symptoms of carrying excess weight tell it all. I love healthy food, I love junk food, I love high fat, low fat, and all in between. I enjoy meals with friends or quiet times dining alone - and I don't mind a drive thru dinner in the car occasionally either. I'm also guilty by choice - no one has made me do this, it's not my past wounds or difficult childhood - I just like food of all kinds! But I'm also angry about it...angry at myself, angry that the enemy has a hold on me in this area and that I am not using the power of self-control - a heavy-weight fruit of the Spirit.

I hope that this blog post will rally the troops -- those of you, who, like me, may be carrying extra weight around (or not), who love to eat good food, who cannot blame anything other than that on the extra pounds - to figure out a way beyond this stupid gazillion dollar diet industry to lay this life strangling idol down at the cross for good.

I'm so mad at the money I've spent on diets and books and online "freedom" plans that don't work. I am so angry about failing with this subscription diet plan because it's put my focus even more on food because all day long I have to put what I eat in their online diary and calculate the points I have consumed to absolute nauseum. It's time consuming and expensive and my rebellious spirit just doesn't like giving part of my day to it. I'm beyond exhausted of the cycle of defeat I feel when I step on the scale every week to see that I've lost and gained the same 4 pounds over and over. And yes, I'm tired of carrying around the evidence of my idolatry around in the form of excess weight, hurting joints and the prison of shame because of it.

I'm guilty as charged. But as I face this coming weekend where Jesus conquered Death and Hell and gave His life for my sins so that I could live eternally for and with Him, I find a renewed sense of responsibility to live it out on a greater platform - because I know I'm not alone in this battle. I KNOW there are people who are victorious in this who are out there who desire to pull others out of the muck of idolatry and mostly, I am responsible for living a life that glorifies my Father in all areas of my life - but in this area of my life, I am weak and I know He is made strong in my weakness.

We can call it food addiction if we want to - but the reality is we can fast for a short time, but we can't stop eating altogether - and that's what makes this such a hard thing for many of us. We are encouraged not to waste food and for some, we do pacify feelings or satisfy our stress overload by eating but the fact remains, food is still a very real part of our lives.

The pastor that wrote the article that I mentioned earlier was sincere in his appeal to those who shepherd the flock as ministers. He was right that they should lead by example - but the truth is, any of us who bear the name of Jesus as Christians should also lead by example - not out of self-glorification of having perfect bodies as we stand before those under our care - but in being real and transparent with our struggles and working to exhibit and use all the fruits of the Spirit, including self-control over all things, not just food.

I'm being painfully transparent here but I'm asking for help from those of you who have been more than conquerors in this area. I don't want diet advice - I want to know how you gained freedom from loving food. How did you gain power of self-control over it? What steps did you take to gain the confidence through Christ to overcome the power that food has over your mind, body and soul?

I'm asking you to pray for me and for each other as we seek to be whole and lay down this functional god in our lives. I am also asking for those who have been more than conquerors to offer a hand of brotherhood to those who struggle.

Here's the link I promised if you want to read more: 4 Tough Questions Every Pastor Needs to Ask

Praying for y'all! Let's learn to walk in Victory! Amy

Who Is It that Discouraged you?

I don't know if it's the time change, too much caffeine or if it's just the change of seasons, but I have had a busy mind these last few nights and just haven't slept well. Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, the Lord will lay someone or something on my heart to pray over and as I pray I will fall into a very peaceful sleep - but last night it was the opposite. Even though I was asleep my mind seemed to be caught in a circle of wanderings and wonderings about my past regrets and present pathways, leaving me feeling discouraged, frustrated and sad.

Suddenly the Lord startled me awake with a stern question - "Who is it that discouraged you, Amy?" My eyes opened and my heart was pounding and I knew it was my Father speaking. I must admit that at first it made me uneasy because of the tone of His voice - it wasn't angry, but it was firm as to address the seriousness of the matter. I just wasn't quite ready to name names because I feared something - whether it was the fear of His wrath on those who wounded His child or whether it was the harsh reality of seeing the pattern of those who discouraged me as providing protection for my own good... 

There are some in my past who I thought were trustworthy people of honor,  who would help me to catch the dream who, instead, crushed it and caused me to lose hope - there are others who never uttered a word of encouragement, which left me wondering if they were choosing to remain silent in order to spare me from their opinions or if they just didn't buy into my dream...either way, it still caused deep wounds that have not healed. I must admit I had to include myself  - and that rattles my cage a little bit. 

This verse came to mind - "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." Matthew 18:6 

We are responsible for our words and how we handle the dreams of others when they share something so precious with us. Dreams are intimate treasures that I believe are God-given. When we are only able to see things from a selfish or analytical standpoint, it seems logical to share reasons why a dream isn't possible - but God's Word is full of impossible situations - so if He gives the dream, can't He be trusted to see to that those dreams are fulfilled?

The memories and pain that I have carried because of the ones who have crushed my dreams (self-included) have been harder to forget and harder to forgive than any other challenge of my life. I'm certain I beat myself up more often than anyone for choices I've made and opportunities I should have taken. But the ones who have either vocally or silently crushed them have done greater damage than I have realized until today.

Another verse comes to mind - "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12

Rest assured that the major enemy is Satan - he is the great dream crusher and discourager - but he's not very creative. He will use our weaknesses against us and they are usually the direct opposite of our spiritual gifts. One of my strongest spiritual gifts is encouragement/exhortation - the enemy knows that one of my weaknesses is discouragement/criticism. Words are my love language - and he uses words against me. He also likes to hold us captive in unforgiveness and bitterness.

Consider your own spiritual gifts and weaknesses - are they opposites? You can usually recognize that you have moved outside the Holy Spirit's guidance when your own behavior acts in direct opposition to your spiritual gifts or the fruits of the spirit. Those with great faith, can be paralyzed with great fear. Those with discernment can harbor harsh criticism and distrust. Administrators can become nit-picky and petty. Prophets can turn to unfair judgment and condemnation and become downright mean....and the list goes on. 

Never forget that the enemy will use your greatest weakness against you every. single. time...without fail. But the Holy Spirit is our Comforter and His Word encourages, admonishes and breathes truth over the lies that the enemy tells.

I've had to let go of the worry that naming names to God and simply obey Him in answering His question. And I'm working toward forgiveness by trusting Him to deal with those who have hurt me as He deals with me - after all I'm one of the guilty. I know that in His infinite mercy, He acts for my good and His glory. My lesson in all of this is to be honest with myself and with Him - not condemn or crush my dreams and to remember that people may hurt or crush my dreams, but it's not really flesh and blood - it's the lies of the enemy, Satan at the root of their harm.

Be encouraged, dear friend - if you are guilty of crushing your own dreams, or if you have been deeply wounded by another who has been unkind - take your hurts honestly to the Father and work through them and seek to forgive them and yourself. I never imagined He would be kind enough to jar me awake with such a question, but I'm glad He did. Facing the giant of my own self-defeating words has been a hard pill to swallow but has allowed me an opportunity to view it honestly, forgive myself and assess just how damaging the need for man's approval can be. The truth is, we are encouraged to seek wise counsel and ask advice from experts - but if we go to man before we seek counsel from the Lord then we've gotten things out of order.

Sometimes our need for a quick answer can cause more damage than good - especially in matters that are near and dear to us like dreams. Trusting God with our dreams requires great trust - and sometimes great patience too...

I'm still wrestling with this dream of mine - now it's become a matter of timing - but I still hope for a day when I will see the answers revealed...in the meantime, my newest assignment is to stop crushing my dreams and instead trust God with them.

Much love! Amy

You've Got a Friend

I love Spring time in the South! Everything starts turning green and the weather begins to warm up too...and of course the pollen wreaks havoc with clean cars, windows and allergies. But what I've noticed mostly is that as the days get longer, my outlook becomes more positive and I'm just happier. I get over my low moments more often and I tend to laugh more.

I'm a contemplative soul though and sometimes I'm inclined toward over thinking (I can hear my girlfriends laughing now - they know inclination is an understatement) - anyway.... there are times when I'm deeply affected by situations outside my control - it could be the horrific cruelty to animals that I see on social media, a sick or missing family member and the outcries for prayer by their loved ones or situations that come to me unexpectedly. It's during those times that music finds its way into my heart to soothe and encourage my spirit. I can hear a familiar song but interpret it at a much deeper level or read a familiar passage in Scripture and feel it more deeply and grab hold of truths I need just at that moment in time. I'm certain that this is not based on my intellect or ability, but rather, it is the Holy Spirit's gentle way of speaking to me in the love language of my soul.

We are created beings - we dwell in earthly vessels that will die and return to dust - but the "real" person of who we are remains eternally. That's a deep and difficult concept to understand for me. I know that my earthen vessel, this costume, this flawed temple dies a little every day and I move one step closer to eternity without the aches and pains of it. 

Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of my earthly father's passing into eternity. Someone asked me if I was sad or if waves of grief had hit because of that anniversary. Honestly, I wasn't sad at all. I'm glad I remembered the day because it was the day that Dad was freed from a broken and diseased body and projected into eternity - victorious over sin and death. I have the beautiful hope of seeing him fully alive again in Heaven. I did, however, have a momentary wave of wonder - of wondering if my present frustrations would ever end...the wondering if my dreams would ever come to fruition or if the scale would ever move beyond the 4 pounds I have lost twice in two weeks...

And then, a song came to me - literally as I processed these thoughts - this song - one that I have loved forever came to me....Bridge Over Troubled Waters This ties into last week's blog "Bridges" so well because of the visual that God had given me about my own personal purpose of being a bridge....but this particular song spoke to me at a whole new level. Look at the lyrics:

Bridge over Troubled Water

Simon & Garfunkel

When you're weary, feeling small

When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all (all)

I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough

And friends just can't be found

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

When you're down and out

When you're on the street

When evening falls so hard

I will comfort you (ooo)

I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes

And pain is all around

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will lay me down

Sail on silver girl

Sail on by

Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine

Oh, if you need a friend

I'm sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will ease your mind

Like a bridge over troubled water

I will ease your mind

Songwriters: Paul Simon

Bridge over Troubled Water lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

As I listened and read the lyrics, I felt all those things, but what changed was the view of the person "on my side" or who "will comfort" or who will "ease my mind" from a physical human to that of the Holy Spirit, given to me by Jesus, the One who is always on my side, always a friend, always my Comfortor and the ONE who laid Himself down over the troubled waters of sin so that I can pass from this life and into eternity...

Today, I received an email from a sweet woman whose family is in crisis due to an unexpected job loss - this dear family has always been on the giving side of helping people but never on the receiving side. God gave me this song to encourage her spirit - with a whole new meaning to give her hope for brighter days. He has given me a journey through financial pain through unexpected sickness and job loss so that I could feel her pain and empathize more personally, equipped to encourage her, not out of shallow "it will be okays", but rather, God is faithful and can be trusted to act for our good and His glory.

I still resist the hard times as most of us do, but I've learned that the lessons we learn in the valley are never just for me to avoid pitfalls - instead they are meant to use to honor the two most important commandments - love God and love people. Loving Him by sharing Him with others and keeping His Word and loving people by encouraging them with His Word and His promises.

When you're weary - feeling low....when tears are in your eyes - I will dry them all - I'm on your side...me (Amy). Like a bridge over troubled waters, I'll lay down for you and help you get to the other side of your crisis -- but you know what - there is One greater -- who laid down His Life for you -- Jesus...the Great I AM. He is there for you - always. Trust Him.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 10:13 (KJV)

Bridges...

Have you ever considered what your purpose is in life? I'm sure you have. Pondering our life's purpose is important. It's like the needle on a compass or the location setting on our GPS trackers. Knowing our purpose in life allows us to pick and choose activities, relationships, professions and even hobbies. I'm not just talking about occupations here. I'm talking about your life's purpose...how you make an impact on this big ball we call Earth.

I have taken a step back to look again at my purpose. Last year was a whirlwind for me - and even though I don't think I got too far off track, my vision got blurred from my Mother's sickness and death and from pushing so hard to fast track my seminary classes. But what came out of that was a renewed desire to be sure that the choices I make going forward connect to my purpose - my calling to ministry and the organic reason that God put me on this planet.

As I was praying one day, a picture of a bridge came to mind - one that looked something like this bridge. I couldn't get away from this image. I began to look for definitions that would help me see more clearly what God was showing me and He showed me that bridges connect two destinations that are divided by a body of water, a valley or crevice in the land that would be deemed treacherous or physically impassable without access to the bridge. As I thought more about this definition and image, I began to see this image as vision of my life's purpose. I'm a bridge. My life has been spent more often than not connecting people and problems with other people and solutions. I've often described my life as a great big "Dot to Dot" picture because I enjoy connecting people with other people and I really enjoy connecting life experiences with God's purposes.

This is not something that I had to learn to do or strain to be comfortable doing - it just flows naturally. If I may ask, what is your life's purpose? Has God given you a mental picture to help you understand it? If not, have you taken time to ask Him? So much of our lives are spent searching for that perfect career calling or that ultimate destiny that we miss knowing the real purpose of our lives. Maybe this is a simple concept that all of you who are reading this have known a long time about yourselves and I'm just now discovering it - that wouldn't surprise me at all! I'm a late bloomer! 😉

I think my point to writing this today is that we are all created to live our lives to love and glorify God by loving people and caring for His creation. We can best do that when we know our purpose and allow it to naturally flow through us. We can study about spiritual gifts and fruits of the Spirit and we should - it's very helpful to know and understand them well. But we shouldn't limit our calling to just our occupations or how we serve the body of Christ. Spending time in His Word and in prayer will help us all to discover and become more comfortable in living out our purpose and should help us to find contentment in the journey when the storms rage.

As I move forward in this journey in ministry, my heart's desire is to be the bridge that connects people with Christ, first and foremost. I want to be a vessel that connects artists and the arts back to the church and the love of Christ to artists who are searching for Him. And if I'm given the opportunity, I'd love to connect those in my circle with Israel and Israel with them - because connecting with Christ, with Israel and you who are in my circle has changed my life forever for the better...and I'd like to be able to offer that to others too.

Connecting dots and sowing seeds... Amy

Confidence and Contentment...

It seems that all week long God has been showing me through His Word and His people what He has already established in order to walk in confidence with Him. I have also gained new understanding of contentment.

I must admit, confidence is something that I wrestle with as a recovering perfectionist and contentment doesn't come easily for me. Part of it is because of my personal journey through a valley that seems unending and another part is that by nature I tend to be restless. I like change and the adrenaline of new adventures - but the risks of change and new adventures involve both learning curves and failure - which, for a perfectionist creates major emotional upheaval, so it's a vicious cycle.

As this year began, I committed to taking a break from school and to seek God on a deeper, more personal level. I have chosen to spend more time alone with Him to let Him heal the broken spaces in my heart and life from grief, loss and storms of life.

This week, God led me to two passages of Scripture and challenged me to see them with new eyes. Philippians 4:11-13 and Isaiah 50:4-11 (NLT). In Philippians 4, Paul encourages and thanks the church at Philippi for being such a source of encouragement to him and also admonishes them to walk in forgiveness, trusting God above and beyond circumstances, sharing the secrets of learning to be content. In Isaiah, the prophet provides new wisdom that God has already established, anointed and prepared the way for those who love and obey His Word. Now, I've read these passages many times before and even memorized them in part, but I never really paused to digest them as I have this week. I believe that the Bible is active and the Holy Spirit teaches new things when we are ready to understand them and yes, I hear Jesus speak to me at times through His Word and through His Holy Spirit - (call me crazy, too, Ms. Bahar- I'm ok with it).

But I think if Paul and I were chatting over some iced tea and pecan pie, he would likely remind me that contentment didn't come easily for him either. Paul endured snake bites, shipwrecks, death threats, stoning, imprisonment, loss, loneliness, depression, sickness and so much more for the cause of Christ. He became an expert at suffering. He went from a high position as a Roman Jew to someone with a price on his head, a renegade, a rebel who followed Christ. So learning to be content cost him much. Paul preached with such boldness despite the death threats, he sang in prison, he praised God through the sickness because his confidence shifted from his physical body and the need for man's approval to his confidence that he had already been made one with Christ because of the work of Christ on his (and our) behalf through His death, burial and resurrection.

I have been reading Ted Dekker's book, "The Forgotten Way" this week as a supplement to my study, and this week's focus was knowing who I am in Christ. I think for many of us this is a lifelong journey. I battle being my own worst critic and enemy and I have beaten myself up so badly and talked to myself in ways that I would never speak to someone else...I could be called an abuser if my words to myself were heard...This book is a gentle reminder and correction to stop doing that. To be kind to myself - to love my neighbor as myself - I actually love my neighbors much better than myself....do you? Do you treat your spouse, children, pets or friends with great love and kindness but spew venom toward yourself when you make a mistake? Do you fear failure? If you fail, do you have a hard time recovering from it? Has it wrecked your self- confidence and caused you to continue to jump to the "next best thing" in order to find temporary contentment? 

This is a quote from Ted Dekker's book that made me stop for a moment and consider my own behavior...

"Remember it's not what you believe about yourself in this life that defines you; it's what the Father knows that defines you. Your opinion of yourself only defines the experience you have in this life. Indeed see yourself as He sees you, in Himself, for only then can you truly find joy in all He has made for you. Only then can you truly enjoy the beautiful gift of life in your earthen vessel, however temporal it is."

See, this is not about "self-love" or self-centered living. This is about personal acceptance of who we are in Christ that defines us. It's the unconditional love of our heavenly Father that gives us the contentment and confidence in these broken earthly vessels in our temporary home here on Earth. 

 I believe that people who have experienced a lot of hardship or tragedy in their lives develop a blindness or narrowed vision to what God has already done for them and through them - and it can be such a confidence wrecker too. For me, I've felt like I was walking around in a fog - just existing and about to give up and just settle for staying where I am until I retire in the name of "contentment"... based on Paul's writings in Philippians 4. But after this week, I'm beginning to have my sight restored.

Funny thing about God's timing. This whole week I have gotten a lesson on contentment - and it's much different than man's view of contentment. Contentment with God in any situation is to believe Isaiah 50 literally and to take God seriously when He says that the work has already been done - the story just isn't complete. It's not about settling for less than God has for you or giving up on your dreams - it's embracing the assurance that God's plan is for your good and His glory and that He mapped this thing out before the foundation of the world. If we can grasp this in our finite minds, we can let go of the wonder and worry of working it all out and instead, look for ways to share our gifts and our stories with others in the Name of Jesus with great confidence.

Some very wise friends said that if our ministry is not about people, then it's just therapy. That can translate to other areas of our lives too. If we only use our voices to sing in the shower, hands to build or paint or draw for our own good pleasure, physical training only to make our bodies look good in clothes or wear a certain size or wisdom just to learn for our own enjoyment, then it's all just personal therapy...it does nothing to glorify God or bless another... we don't have to be great, perfect or famous to bless another or glorify God...we just have to be us...we are already One with Him. See John 14:20. It's already done - finished - pre-planned.

How have I gotten here? It's way out and weird but it happened. One of my dear friends treated me to lunch and the movie, "The Greatest Showman" this past weekend. As I sat there and watched with great wonder and listened to great music - I observed a man who came from nothing, rose to greatness, returned to nothing and was humbled, when he submitted to that humility he was raised again but was able to let go of the idol of success and power and in exchange he discovered that it was ok to be a misfit and embrace and love the misfits around him. This movie is a MUST SEE...

Second, God offered me an opportunity to see behind the veil of the music industry in such a way that would take too long to explain here, but in doing so He gave me a choice - to walk into it or to lay my own idol of fame and the big stage down and instead, walk in freedom. I have chosen the latter. What has come from that is freedom like I have never experienced before and restoration of joy even amidst the frustrations of life. I will write about this when God allows...it's good.

Third, God led me to the book, "The Forgotten Way" by Ted Dekker. If you have been searching for healing and restoration from a long journey of hard that has just sucked the life out of you, I encourage you to read it. It's filled with Scripture and challenges to go deeper. Order it at https://theforgottenway.com/home -- and don't hurry through it. Take it slow and re-read it if you need to - it's worth it.

Confidence and Contentment - I have wrestled with these two for more years than I can count - but God. He opened my eyes to see that I CAN be content, because He has already gifted, anointed and laid out a plan and I CAN be confident because God always keeps His Word - and like Billy Graham said, "some of us just take the long way home..."

Good stuff! Have a great weekend! Amy

What Kind of Eater Are You?

I read an article today entitled "What kind of eater are you?" It gave choices that I thought were interesting:

1. The Grazer 2. The "I'm So Emotional" Eater 3. The Distracted Eater 4. The "Can't Stop at One" Eater 5. The Hormonal Eater

I read through them and found myself wondering -- why didn't they include the "I just like the taste of food" eater?

What style of eater are you?

I'll admit - I'm a "I just like the taste of food" eater - I like ethnic foods, I like country cooking, I like the taste of food...I'm guessing that if I fit under one of their categories, it would be "The Grazer".

I think it's an interesting study. It probably opens doors to other "What kind of _____ are you?" questions we could ask ourselves too -- fill in the blank with anything - worship, friend, worker, etc. - but I think we need to be more careful about using these questions to pass judgement on ourselves and others and instead, embrace them and learn a little more about what makes us and each other "tick"?

If you're like me, I am betting you are your own worst critic. Do you tend to beat yourself up worse than others do? Do you joke about your failings but in your heart mean what you are saying? I do. Maybe it's time to take a look at the words we say to ourselves.

My friends are kind people - we share pictures of lost pets, lost people, hurting situations, prayer needs and encouraging words and verses - but how often do we speak harsh things to ourselves?

I want to challenge myself and y'all today to be kind to you. Say something nice to yourself and mean it...if you learn about your eating style that can help discover an area that can be improved embrace it and learn more.

I am a "just like the taste of food" eater...because of that, I have a huge range of food choices - that can be a blessing and a curse - so for me, portion control is going to be the key to a heatlhy weight and lifestyle. Now that I know this about me, I'm going to use it to my advantage, not to condemn. God has blessed me with the joy of eating good food - that's a rich and wonderful gift. There was a time in my life where I couldn't eat anything...and I nearly died. I have been restored! I need and want to lose some weight - for many reasons.

I'm beginning to understand that failure is born out of self-condemnation. Would we talk to others the way we talk to ourselves? God wants us to have a healthy concept of who we are - our strengths, and our limitations. It's ok to be imperfect. It's ok to work toward healthy goals but it's never ok to beat ourselves up.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." Romans 12:3

So what style of eater are you? May I encourage you to find the blessing in that style and enjoy the journey of discovering how to make it work to your advantage?

I think we all could use a little kindness today...

Just sowing seeds.

Amy Drinkwater

Here's the link to the article if you want to read more about eating styles:

Stop Hormonal, Emotional, and Non-Stop Eating | Weight Watchers

Eating behaviors can disrupt our weight-loss efforts. Here's how to overcome emotional, binge, and hormonal eating, and grazing .

WEIGHTWATCHERS.COM